…this was a week of VERY high highs and EXTREMELY low lows. No middle ground. No more “what will be will be!” moments. Just hormonal swings.
The highs: getting my now-weekly check-up and finding out that I’m actually 1cm dilated! Now, that doesn’t mean much, and I could still be walking around dilated for the next month and still need an induction, but at this point with your sister, there was no action. So anything that we do together in the next few weeks should mean at least a slightly easier, faster labor…right?
You’re also moving around so much, still. That’s both a high and a low, frankly, but I will never stop loving the feeling of you inside of me. I wish I could explain to you how much joy I take in knowing that I’m the only one in the world who will ever have carried you in this way.
Now, the lows. I’ll admit, I’ve been an emotional wreck.
The ongoing heartburn, constant rib pain, crippling fatigue and just immense BLAHS have caused me to cry, and hard, several times this week.
Some of that may be attributed to the fact that I just found out I’m anemic — things were fine at an earlier blood test but they check again toward the end of pregnancy and I am iron deficient. So along with the vitamins and Macrobid I take every day, I’ll now be on iron supplements. I’m hoping it helps shake some of the dizziness and exhaustion, but we will see!
I hate saying that I want this pregnancy to be over, because it’s my last one and I know how truly blessed I am to have you. But the closer we get to the end, the longer each day seems to take. And I’m just anxious about so much.
Will you come early and if so, what will we do with your big sister? Will you come late and if so, do I need to get acupuncture and eat pineapple core and eat spicy foods? When you do come, will you be healthy? What if you don’t snap to breastfeeding, or I’ve forgotten how to do it? And how the HECK are we going to handle all of this????
Told you I’m a bit of a mess.
Walking hurts. Sitting hurts. Standing feels good, but then hurts after a few minutes. Sleep continues to evade me and I’ve been up early most mornings binge-watching old sitcoms and drama shows.
And I’m finding myself in that in-between world. I am close enough to my due date that I need to wrap up work projects and assignments so that nobody is left in the lurch if my labor starts today. But I’m far enough away that if I wrap up too quickly, I’ll be here with nothing to do (well, there’s always something to do, but I don’t want to burden people with my tasks until it’s really time).
You keep doing your job, kid, and I’ll worry about the rest of it. At the end of the day, what will be will be, and I have very little control over the process. So together, let’s make it through the rest of our journey as happy and healthy as possible.