That, my friends, is the estimated weight gain tracker provided by the lovely folks at babycenter. And yes, that is for me and my stats at 25, almost 26 weeks. Ideally, given my starting weight and height, I’d fall in between those two lines. I did, until now.
And that is me. Over the line.
When you have a baby, you gain weight. I get that. I embrace that. I want to get big and round and bumpy. And I can’t do that without also seeing the scale go up. In my soul I know that.
But in addition to being a pregnant woman, I’m a survivor of years of struggle with my weight and body image. So this week when I stepped on the scale and saw the number that also greeted me on my first day of Weight Watchers nearly five years ago…I had a bit of a breakdown.
It’s just a number, I know. But it’s a number that has gone way (WAY!!!) up in the last month. I’d started this pregnancy with a steady and slow weight gain. In fact, I’d lost weight in the first trimester thanks to all-day food aversions and nausea. That, I didn’t like.
But .5 to 1 pound a week has suddenly become 2 to 2.5 pounds a week and as you can see on the graph, I’m now officially above what is considered a healthy gain for this point in my 40-week journey.
I know why. It’s the bagels with not just cream cheese but buckets of cream cheese. It’s the mid-morning snack of potato chips. It’s the giant bowls of ice cream I’ve indulged in every night. (I know better, but there’s something about pregnancy that makes it easy to switch off common sense.)
I think the answer for me is that while weight gain is necessary and healthy, pregnancy is not a license to go all buffet on the world, and I know I’ve not been making the best decisions when it comes to what and how much I eat.
The funniest part about all of this is that when I’m not pregnant, I’m a crazy person about eating well. I don’t eat processed foods (no white sugar or flours, no packaged meals, etc.) and I stay far away from artificial sweeteners (I use stevia). I eat small, balanced meals and actually crave whole grains and veggies.
The food aversions in the first tri definitely set me off on a more indulgent road — that’s what happens when the only thing you can keep down is hummus. But those are gone and I am still allowing myself to make decisions with my appetite and not my brain. It’s not just the weight…I know that by fueling my child with healthy foods, I’m giving her a better start on her own life, and I really do want to be responsible for that.
Decisions, decisions. It’s never easy, huh?